“I don't know if I'll ever get my confidence back. Do you think I can?”
Simon* asked me this question with obvious anguish. An experienced mental health professional, he was more used to encouraging others than talking about himself. He was looking for a solution while starting a new job and battling debilitating self-doubt.
Simon's wavering in confidence started at his previous job as a team leader. He was afraid to wake up in the morning and start his day, and he felt anxious about attending team meetings. He finds himself avoiding parts of his job, especially the tasks he takes on “on the lead,” such as meetings as well as checking in with team members and providing updates to other team leaders. I was there. He kept thinking, “I can't do this anymore,'' and then his fear accelerated.
Although Simon primarily suffered from these worries at work, some of the loss of confidence, irritability, and increased anxiety also affected his personal relationships and activities outside of work. Simon found himself avoiding social situations and talking to people. “I can't face it. I don't have the energy or confidence and I don't know how to explain that fear,” he told me.
Before seeking help, Simon had quit his job and taken on a role with less responsibility that would allow him to be more 'behind the scenes'. Initially, he felt a sense of relief at this change and began to hope to regain his confidence. Unfortunately, that sense of relief didn't last long. When Simon started a new project or job, his self-doubt was at an all-time high. “It's like it's following me,” he said.
I reassured Simon. Many of us seek external lifestyle changes to resolve our emotional distress. We may change jobs, relationships, or where we live in hopes of gaining a different perspective on or respite from hardship. And unfortunately, often that agitation, whatever it is, tends to stick with us.
Listening to Simon's story, it was clear that he interpreted his symptoms and experiences as personal failures, which led to fear and avoidance. My intuition was that workplace factors may be playing a big role in this lack of confidence. In order to recover well, Simon probably needed to lift his perspective from himself and place more weight on contributing factors from his environment. Simon was not too keen on any diagnosis, including the burnout label, mainly because he was not cynical and continued to feel optimistic about his profession and his ability to contribute in the future. is.
Instead of looking for labels, we tapped into Simon's professional interest in mental health and wellbeing and turned to some online research on workplace mental health. By reading what experts say about the causes of burnout and distress in the workplace: unmanageable workloads, chronic lack of control, inadequate compensation and recognition, and mismatched values, Simon has learned from his previous job. I am now able to better reflect on my experience and how it was done. These may have contributed to his loss of self-confidence.
Fortunately, his new role gives him more control over his workload and how he works, and there is greater alignment between his and their values. However, due to his self-doubt and lack of confidence, Simon tends to “bash down” or ignore any positive feedback or recognition given to him. Being open to it and finding meaningful ways to embrace it will be a work in progress.
We started with some self-compassion strategies, including how to treat friends who receive positive feedback. I asked a friend if she would suggest that positive feedback doesn't mean much because she doesn't deserve it and she keeps telling herself. Or would you encourage your friend to acknowledge and celebrate a job well done and bask in the praise?
Another challenge we identified was Simon's inability to maintain clear boundaries between work and home life. We were inspired by a recent study published in the Journal of Handling and Organizational Psychology showing that restorative experiences outside of work hours are associated with calmer moods during work hours. This meant teaching Simon to take time away from work when he wasn't working. The same study also notes the power of learning experiences outside of work to give us a sense of accomplishment and achievement.
Simon started reading and watching more travel-related content and became more immersed in gardening, growing things rather than people, he noted. Developing several different interests lent Simon a sense of mastery and made him feel more effective and competent. As research suggests, he began to notice that little by little during his work calmness and his confidence were returning.
Simon also read about the importance of laziness. Although he found this difficult at first (like many people, he was raised with a strong Protestant work ethic), it was also an inspiration. Building a little free time into each day will definitely be an ongoing commitment for him. For now, it's a welcome reminder that his value isn't determined by his productivity.
Finally, we agreed that strategic avoidance is beneficial to Simon. Simon knows blind avoidance won't help his recovery, but he's trying a new approach. It's vacillating between gently nudging yourself to tackle what you're afraid of and allowing yourself to avoid it.
He still doesn't feel able to share his personal struggles with those around him, but by giving permission to publish his story in this book, he knows that self-doubt doesn't have to become a life sentence. I want to help others understand that there is no such thing. article.
*Name and content have been changed