I recently learned that a father's work is never really done. I'm glad that's not the case.
In my case, as those of you who read this column probably already know, my wife and I are the parents of triplets, two of whom are autistic. Neither Ethan nor Savannah can communicate much verbally. Most of what they “tell” us is done by observing physical cues and the fact that we have known them for his 26 years.
We've reached some really important milestones over the past few years. We managed to get them both settled in structured homes under the supervision of medical professionals. We know that despite being on the autism spectrum, their hopes and dreams are the same as others their age: they want to create their own lives and live as independently as possible. I know.
The final piece of the puzzle that really opened things up for them was incorporating a relatively new method of communication called “Spell to Communicate.” This method allows a therapist equipped with an iPad and keyboard to soothe the most complex problems using verbal prompts and specific gestures. We never knew Ethan and Savannah were capable of that.
I've covered some of this in this column before, but here's what Ethan types: i am free. “He also wanted us to know that he is very capable and that he has a lot of potential, and he also told us to never give up.
I have attended many sessions with both Ethan and Savannah and have seen what they are capable of. For parents of autistic children, it's a miracle to see their children share their inner thoughts.
For the past few months, my wife Maya and I have taken a “divide and conquer” approach to tending to our children's needs, as both of them live in different parts of the county.
For “Spell to Communicate” sessions, I usually pick up the kids and take them home before Maya drives them to the session. So neither of us have to drive far. Your therapist records everything and sends you a transcript, so you're sure you won't miss anything.
But here's what I missed and what I learned in his last session.
Towards the end of the session, the therapist said: “Ethan, you're so smart. You're doing great today.” And Maya said, “You're so smart. You're doing so well today.” “Ethan, we know you're really capable. We're proud of you. Is there anything else you want to say?”
He typed “Does your dad know I'm smart?”
After reading it in the transcript, I sat down and realized he was asking this because I hadn't been to the session. He hasn't been there for a while. That's when I realized that it wasn't enough for me to understand his abilities, I needed to be there so he could see it and I could appreciate it.
There's a difference between taking care of him and showing him that I care.
So last week, when I picked him up and started driving him home, I asked him. “Ethan, do you want me to go to the session with you or do you want me to stay home?” I wanted to give him a choice.
He immediately replied, “Please go.”
And so did I.
And the first thing Ethan typed when he entered the session was, “Hello, Dad.” I'm glad you're here. ”
So am I, son. me too.
Poway resident Wayne Chan writes about family and community life and shares humorous perspectives on the topics of the day.