WSatya Doyle Byock felt like she was stepping off a cliff after nearly 20 years of study. Her adulthood seemed dangerously uncertain. “I was in a crisis in my 20s, and I was seeing friends in crisis and reflecting on myself,” says Byock, now 40. Only a few of her graduates seemed to have a clear vision of her future, with plans for employment or further education. The rest “had no idea”.
After graduating, Byock volunteered overseas at a Colombian prison and a tsunami relief effort in Sri Lanka, before taking a job as a project manager at a software startup in Portland. It was a “good job'' with a decent salary in a vibrant industry. But Byok's disorientation continued. In her diary, she wondered if she was on the right path and why she wasn't satisfied.
Byok was “in an existential predicament,” she says now. “I climbed that ladder and graduated from college, but I didn't feel like this was the point of existence. 'What are we doing now?' I asked myself. The prospect of working until retirement seemed soul-destroying.
One night, Byok broke down in tears as she told her housemates about her desire to quit.
Everyone told her to stick with it, that it's normal to feel lost in your 20s. But Byock wanted to know when and how her symptoms started to improve.
That question shaped her life in many ways. Soon after, she quit her startup and enrolled in graduate school to study Jungian psychology, intending to focus her attention on the tumultuous period after adolescence. Bjok is currently the director of the Portland-based Salome Jung Research Institute, a practicing psychotherapist, and an author.
In her latest book, Bjök argues that the period between the ages of 20 and 40 requires a unique set of values, based on her own experience and that of her patients (primarily Millennials and Gen Z), as well as interdisciplinary research. It is claimed that developmental stage. Bjök argues that in recent decades, individuals have not only discovered who they are, but also made decisions that shape the rest of their lives, both personally and professionally. .
“There's been so much going on in life these last few years, but in literature there's a black hole around them. We talk about growing up and saying, 'You'll figure it out,' but… , in fact, it's the ground floor part of the rest of your independent life.”
The 20s and 30s are a “powerful time of potential,” Byock said. “If you set yourself up to feel fulfilled, meaningful, and safe, you're less likely to have major life-interrupting crises later on.” Even when the years are discussed, they are often downplayed, with widespread public attention focused on millennials' quarter-life crisis and difficulties in coming of age.
“At this stage in life, there's so much ridicule and condescension,” Byock says. “Something cute for privileged children…that's what they say.”
Bjök herself is an older millennial (those born between 1981 and 1996), but even as a student, she felt the generational lens narrowed her. She said: “It was like a new phenomenon. It didn't seem real to me.”
After all, historically, the transition from adolescence to adulthood has always been validated by coming of age rituals. The psychological journey of maturation underpins enduring narratives, from fairy tales to stories. Harry potter and hunger game – Evidence of its universal relevance.
At graduate school, In studying Jung, Bjöck sought to understand common traits across cultures and history.
“Instead of focusing on, 'What are kids like these days?' That became my real interest,” she says. “What I discovered was that there was no focus on that phase of life, there wasn't even a name for it.” She named it “quarter life.”
In her book, Byock identifies four “pillars of growth” for emerging adults. Listen (learn to trust yourself and get your needs met). Construction (creating a life that is satisfying and meaningful for us) and Integration (making it routine and reaping rewards).
These are not a series of stages or tasks, but areas for introspection and “psychological work” for young people to find peace, Bjök says. This is a new framework for thinking about adulthood, and importantly, it's less dependent on external milestones.
Home ownership among young people has fallen sharply in recent decades, with implications for financial security, relationships and family planning. Between 2011 and 2021, the number of adults living with their parents in the UK increased by nearly 15%.
“Certainly, the economic situation in adulthood is much worse than it was before,” Bjök says. Many graduates jump into the “real world” already burdened with debt. However, older generations often do not understand the real difference between the opportunities they enjoyed and the lack of youth today.
Last year's survey found that almost half of Britons agree that frivolous spending is preventing young people from buying property, despite huge price increases and stagnant wages.
“There's a lot of talk these days about the loss of values among young people and their laziness, but there's a serious disregard and misunderstanding of how financially difficult this is,” she says. Many quarter-life contrasts and unstable emotions are the result of “parents in their 20s” (having a baby, buying a house) and their current children (ordering food delivery for the nth time, setting up their own lives) Condensed into popular memes that compare. burning”).
Byock says it's not just economic decline that they're facing. “Gender roles are completely different. In the 27-Year-Old Parents meme, the mother was going to stay at home and raise the kids…The expectations for what we do as adults are no longer the same. is completely different.”
On the other hand, young men, Bjork suggests that figures like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate have weaponized their disillusionment and are “more lost than ever.” “Culture hasn't caught up, so we need a better way to communicate to everyone that things have changed in terms of gender roles.”
The demographic changes currently underway are similar to the 1950s, when feminists began openly fighting expectations for women to be fulfilled wives and mothers, Bjok said. “Once again, there was a question about a satisfying life: 'Shouldn't you be happy?' As a woman, you ticked all the boxes.
“I think this is very similar to what we're experiencing right now, but it transcends gender boundaries. It's about cultural flaws, the all-too-frequent apocalyptic world, and the general is more associated with economic disadvantage or hardship.”
Quarter-life people's struggle to adapt and mature is compounded by a lack of support and even recognition. “Very few people talk about this time in their lives in a meaningful way, rather than saying, 'Pick yourself up,'” Bjok says. “In modern times, we have done a very poor job of moving people from dependence and childhood to psychological independence.”
She points out that many people begin their adult lives without learning the basics, such as how to cook or manage a household budget. She says, “I don't think people should think it's ridiculous that they have to learn how to 'adult.'” But these struggles in her 20s are often played for laughs. Often (like Lena Dunham's work) girl), discussed as a uniformly privileged group of “disaffected graduates.'' But all young people may be grappling with the question of how to build a rewarding life.
Many of her patients are refugees or immigrants who “struggle with stability and meaningful journeys that are distinctly different from their parents,” Bjok said. Even people who are superficially successful may find themselves dissatisfied with themselves, as Byock did while working at a startup. She describes her two “types” of people: those who value stability and those who seek meaning. The latter tends to struggle more obviously. The former may “seem to be working” before it breaks.
The path Byock suggests for each is to learn from the other. “Meaningful” types benefit from embracing structure and routine, while “Stability” types need to find something to nourish themselves beyond society's check boxes. “The path to wholeness, which I think all adults ultimately seek, not just quarter-lifers, is to not only feel structured, organized, and safe, but also to have meaning, It’s about creating a fulfilling life full of intimacy and connection.”
Byock argues that taking a developmental perspective can help reduce generational divides. Young people are often treated as “cultural scapegoats,” she says, but as millennials rise to power, it's in society's interest for them to feel empowered and inspired.
“We're missing out on the huge potential of what I would argue is the most creative phase of life in terms of creativity, new ideas, and definitely children and parenting.”
For now, she hopes to cultivate compassion for the unique challenges of early adulthood and provide reassurance to those struggling. The journey to adulthood is not marked by partners, wealth, or promotions, but rather by bridging the gap from looking to authority figures for direction and answers to learning to trust yourself. , says Byok.
“It has nothing to do with privilege. At the root of all religion and philosophy is this very basic human question: 'What are we doing here?' What am I going to do with my limited life? ”
Quarterlife: The Search for Self in Early Adulthood, by Satya Doyle Byock, is published by Penguin, £10.99. Available from Guardianbookshop.com for £9.34
