In late January, Hattan Al-Saif became the first Saudi female fighter to sign with the Professional Fighters League (PFL), a major global mixed martial arts (MMA) promotion.
Al-Saif, 22, won gold at the 2023 International Federation of Muay Thai Associations World Championships and was named Breakthrough Female Athlete. Last year, she also won the World Combat Games and the Saudi Games.
But her journey outside the ring has also garnered headlines.
Al-Saif's parents divorced soon after she was born, and she grew up in her grandmother's house. Alsaif's parents died within 10 months of her when she was just 10 years old. She lived with depression for years and she attempted suicide several times.
In a conversation with Al Jazeera – edited for clarity and length – Al-Saif talks about his own struggles, the hurt and pain growing up, the death of his parents and how he found his calling in MMA. said.
Al Jazeera: You are the first Saudi female fighter to sign with a major MMA promotion. Please tell me how big this is.
Hattan Alsaif: This is one of the biggest things that happened in my life. It is also a huge responsibility and must be taken seriously and carefully. I represent my country, my family, my team and all other Saudi women. It's a huge thing and I believe I'm the right person to do it.
Al Jazeera: Why do you think you are the right person?
Al-Saif: It's because of skill. I always tell myself that I was born to fight, that it is my path, my career, my destiny, my hobby, my life, my everything. I always try my best and kill myself to do my best.
🚀 History is being made! 🌟 Hattan Alsaif becomes the first Saudi-born female fighter to sign with a major MMA promotion. 🥊She is a true honor to her and a step forward for aspiring female fighters. Let's pave the way to more opportunities! 👊 #PFL #mixed martial arts pic.twitter.com/QuzLxXqj3T
— Don't grab the cage! (@dontgrabthecage) January 31, 2024
Al Jazeera: You said you were born to do this. How much does it mean to you?
Al-Saif: It really means everything to me. Unlike other martial artists, I discovered martial arts quite late. Other people have been fighting for 5 to 7 years, but for me it has been less than 3 years. I'm so proud of everything I've accomplished in that time.
From the first day of training, the gym felt like home. I felt so connected to my training, my gloves, and my coaches. I knew this was my calling and the right place for me.
Al Jazeera: There were losses inside the ring, but outside the ring the losses were greater. How have they shaped who you are today?
Al-Saif: After losing my parents, I told myself I had nothing left to lose. Parents guide you to heaven and help you in life to become a good person, but losing them is like losing your entire life. There is no one to guide you or pray for you. So I decided to take a chance on life. I was trying to take responsibility for myself.
My parents divorced after I was born. Then they had their own families. I was alone. When I got sick, I had to take care of myself. When I was in school, I used to do my own hair. That's what it is.I think that's the life [helped me] You must take this responsibility yourself.
Al Jazeera: You endured a lot at such a young age, including the loss of your parents and depression. How have sports and martial arts helped you?
Al-Saif: After losing my parents, I was on revenge in my life. I was always angry and picked fights with everyone and took my anger out everywhere because of what happened.
I have tried many other avenues, including writing, painting, skating, running, dancing, and cooking. But I couldn't find myself. I didn't feel like I was in the right place and I didn't feel like I could show how good I was.
However, after stepping into the world of martial arts, I realized that it was a place where I could pour out all my depression, anger, and revenge. Eventually, you will be able to breathe normally.
Al Jazeera: You talked a lot about hurt and pain. How much hurt and pain does it take to become a martial artist? And have you ever thought of giving up?
Al-Saif: There aren't many girls in Saudi Arabia who take up martial arts, so I train with men at the gym. Not only are they more experienced than me, they are also more powerful.
My coach always told them not to go easy on me and not to hit me and hurt me. If they hit me hard, I'll do my best to hit them harder. I cried from pain twice a week. That is immeasurable.
There is not only physical damage but also psychological damage. I cry, but I wipe my tears with my gloves and finish the training. It never stops. Cry and continue training. I am hurt, my eyes are blue, and my body is full of scars, but I keep going. It makes you feel like who you are.
History is being made! ✍️👏
Welcome our newest amateur signings to the Professional Fighters League @hattanalsaif24 pic.twitter.com/W2NMMBXlfm
— PFL (@PFLMMA) January 30, 2024
Al Jazeera: So what do you say to people who have been through a lot and are about to give up?
Al-Saif: I have been experiencing depression for almost 3 years. I was drowning in it. My body has many scars from self-harm. I attempted suicide. Anything that takes me out of depression. It was controlling me too much. I was about to give up. I wanted it to stop, I wanted it to end. I didn't have any parents, and I thought there was no point in living if nothing went my way.
At that moment, I was so scared that I took the plunge and jumped to the other side. When you hit rock bottom, when you're about to give up, that's the moment you have to jump. At that time, I started martial arts even though I was scared.
The idea of going to the gym for training helped. I knew it would help me sleep better. I go to training and I put aside everything that's going on in my head and in life. I knew that if I jumped instead, I would be stuck in the dark, plagued by depression and demons until I died.
Al Jazeera: So what are your dreams now? Where do you see yourself going from here?
Al-Saif: I want to be the best. Anyone can say this, but it's a very deep word for me. I am obsessive. I admire perfection. I want to aim for the top in everything. I don't want to have 15 percent of anything. I want it 100%.
I know the journey from here won't be easy, and there will be some tears and hurt along the way, but this is the path I want to take.
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