Dhakai, Jammu and Kashmir, India – A group of men, dressed in their finest shalwar kameez and with well-trimmed mustaches, ponder the terms of their dowry, while the women prepare halwa with dry fruits and traditional salty Kashmiri Kashmiri dishes in the adjoining kitchen. Preparing a pot of tea.
Both families gathered at Mohammad Sharif's modest home in Dhadkai, a small community high in the Himalayas, to discuss the upcoming marriage of Reshma Sharif, 19, and Mukhtar Ahmed, 22. I'm making plans.
The bride's father, Muhammad Sharif, 40, waits patiently as the men continue their discussion. In the end, they agreed to pay a dowry of $1,200 in cash and some gold jewelry. Older men whisper prayers as sweets are brought from the kitchen. Festive sounds echo through the home's rough-hewn wooden roof, earthen floors, and bright pink and green walls.
But even though both families follow all the rules of a customary wedding, this marriage will be far from ordinary. The bride and groom, like dozens of others in the village, are deaf and dumb.
The condition has persisted through generations of Dadakais since the first cases were recorded more than a century ago. Whenever we get married, we think about the day when the new couple will have a child. Even if parents are not deaf, there is always the fear that their child will become deaf.
“We will face this fear with unwavering faith and bravely push it back into the shadows,” said Mohammad Hanief, the village head who attended the Sharif family festival.
Throughout the celebrations, the bride remains in the kitchen, adhering to the traditional conservative values of the Gujjars. Her fiancé attends to the guests and helps serve food while her family congratulates her.
Outside, in the courtyard, villager Alam Hussein, an old man with a white beard and deep wrinkles, is quietly tending his herd of cattle. At 63 years old, he is the oldest deaf person in his village and the only one in his family with this condition.
“I don't remember how many deaf people there were when I was a child. In old age, memory betrays me,” Hussein said, waving his other hand in the air and pointing his index finger at his head. He talked about his struggle with memory loss.
He communicates through a sign language interpreter. His neighbor, Shah Muhammad, treats Hussein with honor and respect, noting that the elders of the community are held in high esteem.
However, Hussein is unmarried and spends much of his time alone. The only job he has found is taking the cows out to pasture in the summer. Previously, it was especially difficult for deaf villagers to find partners, he says. As the number of deaf and hard-to-speak people increases over the years, the social landscape of Dadakai has changed.
