Many young people experience tension even with the most well-meaning parents. This friction often stems from a parent's desire to control rather than provide guidance and support. As children grow, it is essential that parents are aware of their child's evolving needs and foster their child's independence.
When to transition from parenting to partnership
Although there is no single “right” age, the late teens (ages 17-18) are often a pivotal time for changes in the parent-child relationship. During this early adolescence, teens crave more freedom to discover their own path and take enough risks.
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Although authoritative parenting may have been necessary when children were young, this approach can inhibit growth at this stage of development. Respect your child's development by moving to a more collaborative style.
Teenage Independence: Why It Matters
Teenagers often have the skills necessary to make basic decisions. Their developing brains are undergoing changes that drive them toward independence, exploration, and deeper relationships beyond the family unit. This desire for independence is a healthy and natural part of development.
Risks of overbearing parenting
The “helicopter parent” is a style characterized by overinvolvement and a desire to control all outcomes, which can have unintended negative consequences. Such control deprives adolescents of valuable learning opportunities and can lead to feelings of resentment toward their parents.
“Relinquishing control can be difficult for parents,” says author Jane Isay. But she advises her parents to “keep your mouth shut and your door open” to foster stronger adult relationships with their children.
Cultivating independence: From managing to leading
Research shows that overly controlling and threatening language can harm teens' long-term mental health. At this critical stage, parents can:
- Offer support, not solutions. Allow your teen to work on problems independently, offering help only when requested.
- Respect individuality: Understand that their choices may be different than yours.
- Accept mistakes as learning opportunities. Treat setbacks as lessons for growth rather than failures
Recognize your evolving role
As your child approaches adulthood, your role as a parent shifts to that of a trusted advisor and support system. Respect and encourage their newfound independence, and continue to be a steady source of unconditional love as they walk their path in life.
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