Election posters in Polokwane. (Gallo Images/Philippe Maeta)
In a satirical column addressed to President Cyril Ramaphosa, Bexisa Mncube writes about the ideological battle with this country's two-faced leaders.
Secretary Dowasaho, I know this is the season of foolishness, but we have to endure the dual faces of leaders of the same political party staring back at us from every street corner and highway. I understand that John, Roger, Songezo and their friends (dogs) are going to kick you out and head to the Mahlamba Ndlovu Presidential Palace just to change the curtains and bed linen.
I was recently driving along an electronic toll road. Motorists are happy they will no longer have to pay the toll, thanks to Gauteng's ANC-led government's triumphant cry for central government to abolish insane toll charges in urban areas. Hats off to your comrades, former Gauteng Premier David Makura, current Premier Panyaza Lesufi and the “born again” Chikunga Transport Minister Sindisiwe. I was on Route 1 en route from Sandton City to Pretoria, heading towards my home in the capital and prestigious suburb of Waterkloof. Ah, as they say, “haters will hate.” There you, my leader, stood alone, shining from a lamppost sign. I must confess that while I, Mamlambo's son, remain on the periphery, I am officially jealous that it is your face and not mine that adorns the billboards. Masu. But I deviated.
Gobsmacked
As I teetered on the brink of a painful episode (a habit I tend to do when I realize I was being petty), I saw a billboard featuring the late leader of what would become the most polarizing and fractious Inkatha Freedom Party (IFP). I found it by chance. Honorary Chairman Inkosi Mangosuthu Gasha Buthelezi and current IFP Chairman Velenkosini Fiki Hlavisa. I was really surprised!
Well, well, well, IFP has concocted yet another cheeky strategy to pay homage to its somewhat troubled past while paving the way for an uncertain future. But given the labyrinthine nature of voter psychology and the arcane art of political marketing, it's safe to say the party is treading on precarious thin ice.
Brand analysts argue that a politician's personal image can have a significant impact on a party's brand. In the case of IFP, Buthelezi's achievements are undeniable. His unique leadership and political philosophy left an indelible mark. But featuring Mr Buthelezi alongside Hlabisa on the latest billboards may confuse older voters who still idolize Mr Buthelezi.
But then again, maybe the IFP is just trying to tickle the fantasies of undecided voters who need a laugh. After all, nothing screams “unity” like slamming dead and current leaders with the same sign.
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And in a pleasant twist of irony, the Independent Electoral Commission (IEC) has confirmed that political Pipsqueak Hlavisa will appear alone on the ballot paper.
I would venture to say that older generations and many others may have missed Hlavisa's unfamiliar face on the ballot paper. They will, after all, be looking for the familiar face of the late stalwart who was at the helm of the IFP for 44 years and its electoral figurehead for an epic 48 years. There is a good chance that the impact will cause glasses to fall off the polling station's nose.
My leader, are you confident that you can win the elections on May 29th with just your face, even without the ever-smiling and charismatic former President Nelson Mandela next to you? I don’t care!
Grada Africa scandal
Now, John “Val Gate” Steenhuisen, also known as Mr Matric, clearly has no illusions that his pale features alone will secure him votes in Gauteng. In a bold move, he was plastered on billboards and posters alongside a name that may be familiar to me but probably unfamiliar to many others, former Tshwane metro mayor Solly Msimanga. There is. Mr Msimanga left the mayor's office during the first recess amid the infamous GladAfrica scandal. The fracas involved a staggering R12-billion contract that was deemed irregular by the South African Auditor-General. The bill subsequently lapsed, leaving what can only be described as a political wreckage of Msimanga.
I am happy for Ubaba as his image will grace the ballot paper and he will go down in history as the only leader to vote while holding membership in two political parties at the same time. He is intent on using the national spear, Umkhonto Wesizwe, to complete the regicide. Boldness!
As a resident of Tshwane, I get pretty excited when I see Mushimanga mugs posted on side streets, back roads, and main roads. Equally disturbing is the ubiquity of the image of Buthelezi, who has never apologized for leading a death squad that seriously injured and killed thousands of people. Mr. President, do we really have to put up with these two-faced leaders?
Until next time. Please send me to the IEC House of Representatives to monitor the elections on May 29th.
– Bhekisisa Mncube is an author, regular columnist for The Witness, content creator and frequent political commentator.
*This column was originally published here.
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